The Year of Disappointment

   I’ve turned the page to the last week in my 2020 planner/journal/prayer list and I sighed relief.   This weekend I’ll go through it and look at all the colorful cancellation stickers that graced the calendar pages.  I’ll evaluate the goals written last January, ☹   I’ll smile at the few, very few pictures of the scarce events that took place.  I’ll skim through the documentation of phone calls and zoom meetings because they took on a new importance.  I’ll spend more time reading the inserted prayers and long journal pieces.  And by Monday, despite 2020’s failures, I will write goals for 2021, choose a word and verse for 2021.

  My word for 2020 was “Emmanuel, God with us”.   In the first few days of 2020, I wrote that God was speaking to me regarding my spiritual growth. While He appreciated my works, He wanted more of me.  I had previously read Lysa Terkhurst’s The Best Yes and I committed to finding the best yes; to saying no to every opportunity and look for the ones that He chose for me.  I wish I had better prepared for that, instead I just logged disappointment after disappointment.  Every time I said “yes’, it got cancelled. 

  Several times in early 2020, I jotted down the words to an old chorus, “I’m hungry for a mighty move of God, I’m thirsty, pour out your Holy Ghost, I long to see the hand of God move mightily inside of me, I’m hungry for a move of God.”

   Over the past 8 months, I’ve bemoaned every possible spiritual experience cancelled; Churches, camps, retreats, conferences, seminar. There was no place for God to move at all, let alone “mightily”. 

   Sunday morning, I was asked by an online pastor, “What did you learn this year?”   My first answer was cynical; Nothing, disappointment is constant, never plan anything or dream again.  Really?  God asked. So, I stopped to think about the question.

   2020 shook me from complacency.  The smorgasbord of church services online led me to go in depth in some areas and gave me discernment in others.  I received a clarity of what I was lacking in teaching, reading, & devotion.  I found that I was missing some things I needed to grow spiritually.  I branched out in study, prayer, and purpose as never before.  I searched scripture to solidify and/or change my belief to line up with the Word of God.  I read the Bible through and blogged weekly about what I was learning.  I recovered my prayer language. 

  It’s about your definition of “mighty move of God”.  This Pentecostal girl defines it as Azusa street complete with healings and miracles, and it is.  But the song says, “move mightily inside of me”.  

  “I’m not saying I have this all together, that I have it made.  But I am well on my way, reaching out to Christ, who has so wonderfully reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong; By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus.  I’m off and running and I’m not turning back.  So, let’s keep focused on the goal, those of us who want everything God has for us.”   Philippians 3:12-15(the msg.)         

    Thinkin’ of that in 2021. 

ShadowMan

   On this eve of Christmas Eve,  I'm thinkin' about the people of Christmas.  Top billing goes to Mary,  the shepherds, the Angels.  Joseph joins the cast as a secondary character.  He only gets sixteen verses in the entire Bible and we don't hear his name except for a few weeks in December.  He is the non-speaking part in the main scene of the Christmas pageant.  Sixteen verses, no quotes, barely even a "supporting" actor.  Briefly seen, never heard,  always present:  Joseph.

   Joseph was a twenty-year old carpenter from a dusty, dirty town never mentioned in the Bible until Christmas.  He was probably born and raised there and never traveled extensively.    His father was probably a carpenter and his family had probably known Mary's family his entire life.  He boasted a impressive lineage. Judah, Boaz, David, Solomon.  It was not  coincidence that many years later, a many "great" grandson of Solomon would be engaed to a young lady named Mary.  

   In New Testament times, an engagement was as legally binding as marriage.  The engagement was a contract from the bride's family to produce a virgin daughter for the groom.  Mary's unplanned pregnancy was humilating and  embarassing for her father.  He could no longer fulfill his contract with Joseph's family. 

  I wonder how Joseph found out Mary was pregnant.  She couldn't have told him,  perhaps her father was required to notify him.  Maybe he heard it through the grapevine.  He knew he wasn't responsible for this pregnancy, yet there is no record of his denial.  He plans a quiet divorce to decrease the embarassment for both of them.  He's got a plan when an angel appears.  Joseph doesn't converse with the angel,  doesn't get clarification,  yet,  he gets right up and does "what the angel said".  His actions made him look guilty in a little town of gossips.  

   Joseph loved and cared for a seemingly cheating woman and a child that was not his. In Bethlehem, he did his best to provided for his pregnant wife and ultimately delievered her child himself in a barn.  He left his job, family and home to live in Egypt for several years, because of this child.  He taught this child Jewish history, customs and carpentry.  From a heart of unconditional love,  Jesus learned loyalty and service from this man.  Joseph has stood the test of time with only sixteen verses to his fame. 

    In our current culture,  it would seem that the Josephs are few and far between.  The airwaves of our media champion the arrogant, the proud, the rich. Rebellion and riotous living is applauded.  I say with James,  "Brothers,  this should not be".   I believe the Josephs are out there. I know some of them.   Quietly raising  their familes,  faithfully loving their wives and children,  consistently providing for them.  Going to work each day and coming home each night.  Praying over their families, friends and their country.  Bring Joseph out of the shadow of your nativity tonight,  think about him as a main character.  Encourage the Josephs in your life.

   Thinkin' about the Josephs in my life.  

   

   

   

Good Days

    I spent the last week substituting for a Kindergarten class in a Christian school. This class starts each day with a Bible lesson and prayer requests. 

   For the past 6 days I have written on the board, the same request:  that my grandma, parents, siblings have a good day. Yesterday I asked them what would constitute the answer to that prayer, what would make a “good day”?  They all stopped and looked at me quizzically.  One little girl reported that if her brother said she was a good sister, that would give him a good day.  Another said if others would help her Dad it would make his day better.  (Sounds like a Dad working at home).  One little girl said when she gives her grandma a hug, Grandma will have a good day!  I can testify that is probably true. However, I wondered that the only request that seemed pressing in these little minds was that someone “have a good day”.   At home, grandson Judah always prays for an end to Covid but he hasn’t mentioned it at school.

   I can’t remember when my most pressing need was having a “good day”.  Wouldn’t that be nice that your only worry was a “good day”?  Then I realized, this teacher has cultivated an environment of security and safety.  In this place, Covid is not a worry. Their teacher is quarantined but they aren’t worried about her.  They simply want everyone to have a “good day”.  Their world is run by people who love them and care about them and want the best for them.  They are unconcerned with things outside these walls.   

  I'm reminded that I live in a world where someone loved me enough to die for me.  Someone cares enough about me to be involved in my everyday happenings,  (when I let Him)  and someone who wants the very best for me.  So,  I'm releasing the worry, stress and uncertainity of today.  Today,  I just want to have a "good day".      

Thinkin’ about that.  

Wait Expectantly

  Find today's blog at   https://www1.cbn.com/devotions/watch-expectantly-for-the-lord

It is the featured devotional on CBN.

Life. Well lived or Not.

   I am a superfan of the Chosen* Not only have I seen the complete series 4 times but I also watch all the updates, interviews and filming recaps.  The Chosen does not refer to Jesus, He is not the main character.  It’s about the people He chose while on earth.  Not just the disciples although they are prominent, but also about the women and the Pharisees and the Romans.  My favorite scenes are the ones with the families of the disciples, Simon and Eden, Matthew and his parents.  When Zebedee tells John & James to go with Jesus and they question what he will tell their mother…   Maybe Rona brought too much isolation, but I am deeply invested in these characters.  A recent round table with the director and several of the actors who play disciples took my breath.  The director reminded them that they all die in the end.  I got to thinking about that.  Why do I, we, watch and read so much about characters, real or fictional, whom we KNOW will die in the end?

   Books about Abraham Lincoln’s assassination, 9-11, WWI  abound and are best sellers.  Miss Saigon was an award winning musical about the Vietnam War and ended sadly.   This is Us is a popular, acclaimed TV show and viewers hung on for a season to find out how Jack died.  Remember Who shot JR?  I don’t think we are obsessed with death; I think we are amazed at life.  A life well lived and in JR's case,  not so well lived.

    We are going to die.  It is one thing everyone can agree on.   Benjamin Franklin said, “The only thing certain is death and taxes”.  It’s how we live that is important.  That sounds trite and we’ve all heard it before.  Still, how we live determines how we will be remembered when we die.

   The last eight months have brought out the worst and best in us.  In me.  The disappointments and subsequent discouragement of this season has become a chronic struggle for me. I don't always handle this struggle well.  I'm convicted but also challenged to grow through the Rona.

  In these days of uncertainty, Thinkin ‘bout how I’m living. 

*The Chosen